Three “F’s” of Parenting


Firm: Consequences should be clearly stated and then adhered to when the inappropriate
behavior occurs.


Fair: The punishment should fit the crime. Also in the case of recurring behavior,
consequences should be stated in advance so the child knows what to expect. Harsh
punishment is not necessary. Using a simple time-out can be effective when it is used
consistently every time the behavior occurs. Also, use of reward for a period of time like
part of a day or a whole day when no time-outs or maybe only one time-out is received.


Friendly: Use a friendly but firm communication style when letting children know they
have behaved inappropriately and let them know they will receive the “agreed upon:
consequence. Encourage them to try to remember what they should do instead to avoid
future consequences. Work at “catching them being good” and praise them for appropriate


The Parent as Teacher/Coach

See your role as that of a teacher or coach to your children. Demonstrate in detail how you
would like them to behave.

• Try to set aside time on a regular basis to do something fun with your children.
• Rather than tell them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do.
• Use descriptive praise when they do something well. Say, “I like how you ____
when you ____.” Be specific.
• Help your child learn to express how he/she feels. Say, “You seem frustrated,” “How
are you feeling?” “Are you upset?” “You look like you are angry about that.” “It’s
OK to feel that way.”
• Try to see a situation the way your children to. Listen carefully to them. Try to form
a mental picture of how it would look to them.
• Use a soft, confident tone of voice to redirect them when they are upset.
• Be a good listener: Use good eye contact. Physically get down to the level of smaller
children. Do not interrupt. Ask open-ended questions rather than questions that can
be answered with a yes or no. Repeat back to them what you heard.
• Make sure they understand directions. Have them repeat them back.
• When possible give them choices of when and how to comply with a request.
• Look for gradual changes in behavior. Don’t expect too much. Praise behavior that
is coming closer to the desired goal.
• Develop a nonverbal sign (gesture) that your children will accept as a signal that they
are being inappropriate and need to change their behavior. This helps them to
respond to your prompt without getting upset.

Resources provided by Child Help

Your gift is very much appreciated and fully deductible as a charitable contribution.  A copy of our latest financial  report may be obtained by writing to Shiloh Christian Children’s Ranch, 601 N. Center Street, P.O. Box 606, Shelbina, MO 63468 and 573-588-2191.   Shiloh Christian Children’s Ranch was formed in Missouri.  If you are a resident of one of these states, you may obtain financial information directly from the state agency:  FLORIDA – A COPY OF THE OFFICIAL REGISTRATION AND FINANCIAL INFORMATION MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE DIVISION OF CONSUMER SERVICES BY CALLING TOLL-FREE, 1-800-435-7352 (800-HELP-FLA) OR ONLINE AT REGISTRATION DOES NOT IMPLY ENDORSEMENT, APPROVAL, OR RECOMMENDATION BY THE STATE. Florida Registration # CH47516. MARYLAND – For the cost of copies and postage, Office of the Secretary of State, State House, Annapolis, MD  2140.  MISSISSIPPI – The official registration and financial information of Shiloh Christian Children’s Ranch may be obtained from the Mississippi Secretary of State’s office by calling 1-888-236-6167. Registration by the Secretary of State does not imply endorsement.  NEW YORK – Office of the Attorney General, Department of Law, Charities Bureau, 120 Broadway, New York, NY 10271. NORTH CAROLINA – FINANCIAL INFORMATION ABOUT THIS ORGANIZATION AND A COPY OF ITS LICENSE ARE AVAILABLE FROM THE STATE SOLICITATION LICENSING BRANCH AT 1-888-830-4989. THE LICENSE IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT BY THE STATE. PENNSYLVANIA – The official registration and financial information of Shiloh Christian Children’s Ranch may be obtained from the Pennsylvania Department of State by calling toll-free, within Pennsylvania, 1-800-732-0999. Registration does not imply endorsement;   VIRGINIA – Virginia State Office of Consumer Affairs, Department of Agricultural and Consumer Services, PO Box 1163, Richmond, VA  23218.  . WASHINGTON – Charities Division, Office of the Secretary of State, State of Washington, Olympia, WA 98504-0422, 1-800-332-4483.   WEST VIRGINIA – Residents may obtain a summary of the registration and financial documents from the Secretary of State, State Capitol, Charleston, WV 25305.  Registration with any of these state agencies does not imply endorsement, approval or recommendation by any state.